Karma?

It's an interesting thing really, to almost sit on the outside, and look in as though you are merely an observer. To realize the mistakes, to live, and re-live, the pain. To slowly acknowledge the sadness, the despair, the loneliness. To what do I owe this pit of blackness, this endless ocean? For awhile, a long while even, I was in a good place. Happy, content, surrounded by good and love. That was then. This is now. 180°. I can't say as how I've ever been so miserable. Rejected at every step, in every fashion. Much easier to see how some people, in their old age, can become so bitter... a lifetime of shit can do that to a once hope-filled person. Can it end? When there's no light at the end of the tunnel, how do you know when to get off the train? I'm tired...